Sunday, February 19, 2012

21 Days to Recovery-Week 3

...A continuation of The First Step is Admitting you Have a Problem: Chronicling my 21 days to recovery-Week 3


Day 15
I woke up restless and wrestling with the Husband. He refused to open his eyes so I let him be. It appears that the carb loading from the previous evening has loaded me up with boundless energy for the day, and the precious hormones God blessed me with (that curse those near to me) has left me a bit on the aggressive side. I decided to venture out with the beasts in tow to give the hard working husband some rest. I brought my crew with me to my new favorite store, Sports Authority, and stocked up on Gu gels for the upcoming weeks of training and race after this fast is over. I also bought some compression socks for my leg and shin issues. When I put them on, I feel like a road-runner...kind of exciting.
In food for the body and soul news: I went to Costco today and spent way too much money as usual. I knew I should have started the morning off reading the Bible and praying with the way I was feeling and it became more apparent that I forgot to invite the Holy Spirit into my day when I wanted to punch the guy at the check-out stand who yelled too loudly for assistance in getting a price check. He was really obnoxious and rude and I wasn't in a smiling mood either. Grace. I need it too. I went home and decided to spend some time with some old friends of mine, the kettlebell and jump rope.
I busted out a much needed workout that made my legs wobble. The beasts kept me company. I had a colorful dinner of way too much salad and an Acai smoothie---so yummy. I'm gonna clean house then call it a night. This no sugar fast is panning out fairly smoothly...

Feeding my spirit:
My Child, do not share your burdens with all who come to you professing concern. I Myself am the great burden-bearer. You need not look to another. I am merciful and kind. I love you beyond measure. I intend to do you good; and I will bring to you those who can truly help, if you leave all in my hands. I want you to prosper and be in health. I want you to know me more intimately. If difficulties come, it is by My order and for your benefit. Others would say you have trouble: I would say you have a test.
-C.A.M.B 
 7-10Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It's God's gift from start to finish! We don't play the major role. If we did, we'd probably go around bragging that we'd done the whole thing!
  (Ephesians 2.7-The Message)



Day 16
 I woke up and had tons of energy around
4am. My muscles were so sore from last night's work-out, but it felt good. I finally fell back to sleep about an hour later and woke up with more energy. The energy was short-lived and fizzled out around 12, then I got all grumpy so I took a nap. I'm a morning person but can't function without a mid-day nap. My kids were flying around me like horseflies and I kept losing my patience then it occurred to me that maybe I should get them out of the house to burn off some of their energy. Poor boys, definitely outdoor pets. 
We headed out to the stadium so I could use the pull-up bar for a work-out called "Angie" (Crossfit-W.O.D) 100 pull-ups (I did the wuss variety, jumping from a box) 100 push-ups (girl ones for me, I'm not that gangster yet) 100 sit-ups (sit-all-the-way-ups) and 100 squats. Am I a Crossfitter? not-so-much. Do I enjoy the butt-kicking workouts that make me feel like a Spartan on occasion? yes-indeed. So back to the Crossfit madness I go so I can heal my shins and still get some amazing cardio. A friend from back in the day just ran his first marathon and recommended it. He is a Marine...He ran 26.2 miles... His advice counts... The beasts brought their bikes along to keep themselves busy, looking ghetto as usual with random BMX and Baseball helmets on to protect their heads from crashes and flying lacrosse balls. Princess was fashionably dressed in her usual regal attire with an oversized cowboy hat and boots. I've always thought that she would do well selling chiclet in Tijuana...

 The stadium was packed with kids practicing on the track and trying out for Lacrosse. This was a good thing and kept me focused; with so many people around, I couldn't wuss out of my work-out. Round 3 and I was hurting; I kept on... I am a gangster, power-house, burly, brawny, stalwart, sugar-free Bakersfield baked cookie...my mantra for the day.These insane work-outs make you feel like a useless champ by the time you finish. It hurts so good if you know what I mean. So here I sit, my arms barely able to function again, but well worth it. 
In sugar news, It's not an issue these days. I never thought I would be able to say that. It has always been an issue. A highly addictive issue. It's nice lookin' past you refined sugar and coffee-love. I am au-naturel. Hopefully it stays this way.

* My life-sustaining sample menu of the day: Protein smoothie (acai juice, strawberries, blueberries, and peanut butter); Orzo salad, 2 lara bars (fruit n' nut-bombness), some more orzo salad and filipino smoothie (mango, papaya, strawberries, pinapples, oj).  

Quite convicting Spiritual food for the day:
Return to Me; for I have sought after you, but you have continued on in pursuit of your own ways. I have called to you, but you have disregarded Me. I have placed obstacles in your path, hoping that you would stop and consider and ask of Me, but you have obstinately and determinedly forged on ahead...O stubborn and rebellious child, has My love no longer the power to melt your heart? Have My words that you once treasured become of no value to you? Put down your anxieties, and trust Me for everything...You are weary and you should be strong. You are encumbered, and I would have you free. You are hindered by undue concerns, when you should be abounding in joy...Come close to Me, and I will minister to you and revive your spirit...
-Come Away My Beloved

But the people who know their God shall be strong, and carry out great exploits.-Daniel 11:32


Day 17
My body was so sore this morning that I deemed myself useless and wobbled around for a good part of the day...My day consisted of wobbling, sleeping, laundry, a Target adventure, and more sleeping. In my weekly attempt to complete 16 loads of laundry, I found some interesting things; this week, it seems as though beauty and the beasts were on a rock collecting mission, with all the stones that accumulated in the tank at the end of each load. Interestingly, I also found some rocks and flowers in the toilet...the boys blame it on sis.

 My Target adventure was exciting...I am happy to say, I am the proud new owner of a Swiffer Sweeper-Vacuum, and a Juicer! Now my kids can vacuum the house and eat vegetables that I cleverly hide in fruity smoothies. In honor of my new juicer, the husband sent me out to gather some greens for nurturing my crew. I spent $25  and got an entire garden of vegetables. This should hold me for the next 2 weeks and into the last few days of this fast.

You are never one of many to Me. You are precious and dear to My heart...For I love you more than you can ever comprehend, and I long to hold you close to My heart. Do not hold me at arms length because you have a sense of unworthiness. Have you not read that you are redeemed and brought near by the blood of Christ? Your sins are not covered; they are washed away! They are not only forgiven: They are forgotten!
-Come Away My Beloved

He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. 18 For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit. -Epehesians 2.17-18

Whoever walks in integrity walks securely,
but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out.
-Proverbs 10:9


Day 18
I woke up with intentional purpose today: turn the chaos in the boy's caves into livable spaces. My sister from another mister, Molly, came over and helped me with this feat. The boy's rooms looked great in no time. I could check that off my list and focus on the rest of my get-dones for the day. I went to a doctors appointment to meet a new doctor and quickly exited the building upon meeting the chola-gangster receptionist who started arguing with another elderly receptionist, "girlllll, you're trippin'...I didn't set that appointment, crazy-ass lady," she said. Uncomfortable... They seemed pretty unorganized, so I added to my list of get-dones: Find a new doctor. Later during the day, I met with a woman from church and we talked about life for a few hours. It was nice. She helped me refocus on what's important in life and how quickly time flies; so, settle down and enjoy the little moments. You are a runner, but don't run through life! With my mind right, I set home to begin my tasks for the evening. The boys were out with Auntie Nora, having a blast swimming and playing. They eventually made it back home with stories of how they accidentally slammed Sparticus the Legitamus' (3rd son) face in the car door and how they swam under a mushroom. Good times. Auntie Nora was concerned because when she asked if the boys wanted McDonalds, they exclaimed that if they ate too much McDonald's they would get diabetes and die...I didn't think they were paying attention when we watched Supersize Me, apparently they were. The beasts got ready for bed and gathered around our entertainment for the night, The Juicer. I didn't realize how entertained they would be...after the laughs and jokes, we began turning the garden of vegetables into juice to store for our smoothies for the next 2 weeks. 

The kids really enjoyed learning about the different fruits and vegetables, why the were good for them, and the different flavors each had. The end result was sweet and healthy juice that they chugged down in minutes. Score: Mission Healthy House, accomplished.

I only have 3 days left of fasting and I am happy to have implemented healthy habits in my household that will continue long after the fast is over. I feel great, my kids are content, the husband is fit and feeling good, and we are focused on what is important: Faith, Hope, Love~the greatest of these is Love.
Distress of soul and grief of heart can only bring on destruction of body. Joy alone is a healer, and you can have it in the darkest hour if you will force your soul to rise to Me in worship and adoration. I have not failed you and you have not failed Me. It is only that you have failed yourself---or the disappointment has come on the human plane, not on the divine. Why should you allow any human experience to alter or affect your divine relationship with your Father?

Your God is your maker. He is your defender. And he is mighty to save. Yes, He is not only mighty to save from sin, but He is mighty to save from despair, from sorrow, from disappointment, from regret, from remorse, from self-castigation, and from hot, blinding tears of rebellion against fateful circumstances. He can save you from yourself, and He loves you when your find it hard to love yourself. Let His peace flow in you like a river, carrying away all the poison of painful memories, and bringing to you a fresh, clear stream of pure life and restoring thoughts. This is not the end. Press on.
-Come Away My Beloved


Day 19
Today was the husband's day off. He took me and the crew out to the fields so the boys could practice their sports and I could get a tan.  What a nice guy, right? I made sure everyone was loaded up on green smoothies, fruits n' nuts then I sat and watched as he patiently tossed the ball, giving tips along the way. The 2 younger beasts practiced lacrosse while the other was batting and catching with dad. Sis was the outfielder, running after the ball and bringing it back to dad. We stayed out for about an hour. It was a nice way to start the day. 
 
Later that evening, friends and family came by to hang out. The husband kept asking me to taste-test each thing he made: the chicken kabobs, pork shoulder, etc. I had to patiently remind him each time that I was still fasting. Nerd. I made myself a drink (the fruit kind), sat back, and watched the kids play. Before I knew it, I was passed out on the couch...on to day 20.



Day 20
Another day off, another day to venture out and make memories with my crew. We woke up early and headed over to Torrey Pines to hike. My friend from work (Lo Di Dodi) and 2 of our former students came along: my Evan from Heaven and Miss Gracie. We parked and headed up the trail. Shortly after we began our hike, Sis almost got ran over, the husband got punked by an elderly lady, and I had to remind the hyper-active pack what it meant to conserve their energy...a concept that is difficult for a kid to understand. They bounced around, Evan talking "sssssnake" to warn the snakes that we were around and to keep us safe, and Sparticus Legitimus with a stick in hand ready to beat down any moving critters that posed a threat. We quickly made a bad name for ourselves amongst the nature loving trail patrol by walking on the wrong side of the road and bringing snacks along the trails...oops. We took in the scenery, read some signs, sat on every bench we passed, and chased squirrels; then, we headed back down toward the beach. The kids had the best time sliding on their bottoms down a dirt hill to get to the parking lot. We decided to head to the beach to take advantage of the "$10" parking...I sat with the husband, watching the beasts run wild. I realized, the best playground is nature...especially for the beasts. Sis was wayyyy too excited and wayyy too fearless with the waves (thank God I birthed 3 body-guards before the creation of this feisty princess):

I felt pretty good and could not believe that the fast was nearly over. I'm not sure how I'm going to accept being able to eat meat, drink wine, and be a glutton again. This healthy fast has truly become a habit. I even brought my own pasta to Chuck-E-Cheese tonight for my nephew's birthday. The 3 pizzas staring me in the face didn't even faze me. Dang I'm good ;).
Be content with what each day brings, rejoicing in God, for surely He shall deliver you. He is the one who has brought you here. Do not question and do not doubt. Each day holds some small joy that shall escape you if you are preoccupied with tomorrow. Nothing can restore the past and nothing can bind the future...All else may seem shifting and transitory, but His Word is firm. It is a rock that shall not be moved. It is a firm place to stand.
~Come Away My Beloved 

Day 21
It is finished! I can officially go back to my old ways tomorrow morning, if I should so desire...do I want to? Not so sure that I do.

I woke up this morning and went on my usual weekend long run. This time around, I brought my A-game. I felt really good and ready to run. It was a hot morning, but we made it. 9.1 miles of stony, gorgeous, winding trail, laced with streams and a massive lake to keep us in awe of our Maker.

I spent the rest of the day at the park with my family celebrating my nephew's 1st birthday. I stuck with my healthiness despite the MSG-packed yummy Chinese food that fed the multitudes, permeating through the air. It was a beautiful Saturday and not a bad way to end my 21 days.

This fast has helped me shape some great spiritual disciplines and get my entire household on-board with a healthier lifestyle. For 21 days, I sat at the feet of Jesus, reading His Word, listening for His voice, calming my anxious soul. I nurtured my mind, body, and spirit. I battled my flesh (not by my own strength), fighting against everything that was comfortable to me, submitting to the spirit and sometimes not-so-much. Sometimes, just straight up rebelling with a foul-mouth, nasty attitude, and stink-face. There were times I was just a mess and wanted to cave-in. I wanted my sugar and coffee drugs back...to console me when I was sad, grumpy, tired. I found that if I made healthy snacks and meals readily available, stocked up things a few days in advance, and ate every two hours,  I was able to function. I noticed that the days I did not make time for God and His Word were the most difficult. I had to intentionally seek Him, to not get carried away in the world or stuck in my head. Fasting brought me clarity, peace of mind, and a healthier outlook. It brought me closer to Jesus- deeper in His word, more in love with the life and people He has blessed me with, and more compassionate for the human condition. I end this night hopeful and content. To God be the Glory, forever and ever, AMEN!


Hide my commandments in your heart, and make them the law of your life. Cherish My words, and take not lightly the least of them. I have not given them to bind you, but to bring you into the life of greatest joy and truest liberty.
I have asked you to give, in order that I may bless you more. I have challenged you to pray, so that I may respond and help you. I have asked you to rejoice, in order to keep you from being swallowed up by anxieties. I have asked you to be humble, to protect you from the calamities that fall upon the proud. I have asked you to forgive, in order to make your heart fit to receive My forgiveness. I have asked you not to love the things of this world, for I would have you released from unnecessary entanglements, free to follow Me.
Sanctification is accomplished in no one by accident. Learn My rules, and put them into practice consistently, if you desire to see progress in the growth of your soul...Purity is not a gift---it is the result of repentance and serious pursuit of God.
~ Come Away My Beloved
...to the foot of the cross





Monday, February 13, 2012

21 Days to Recovery-Week 2

...A continuation of The First Step is Admitting you Have a Problem: Chronicling my 21 days to recovery-Week 2


Day 8
Mother of Jesus...today was a hard day. I woke up early starving my buns off. I ate a banana and drank a smoothie then cooked a feast of leftovers for the family (adobo fried rice, bacon, and pancakes). My cravings were not bad. I went upstairs after cleaning up and took the longest nap ever. When I woke up, I went to the store to get some healthiness for tomorrow; this is what I encountered on my quest out of the house...
Starbucks greeted me with it's ugly little wired hair green lady taunting me and inviting me in to indulge my senses... I walked past the store-front, into Vons and attempted to walk past the "Vons, in-store Starbucks" only to be stopped by the barista that often engages in     meaningless conversation each time I pass...

I started shaking and getting all emotional when the sign started talking to me...the barista thought he would try to earn a role as the star-sales person by letting me know about their special promotions on cake-pops (a quarter off if I buy more than one), when I politely declined and asked for a cup of water, he went on to tell me how amazingly delicious the f*cking whoopie pies were! Ahhhhhhhh!!!! I started to feel a little bit like a tiger who hadn't eaten in a coupla days.
I moved on through the store, grabbed what I needed and stood in line staring at the candy bars that seemed to be laughing at me...I wondered if I would need to call someone to exorcise the demons tonight cause they were in full force and covered in chocolate; then I remembered that I was already inhabited by Christ, so I couldn't possibly be demon possessed, silly me, It was just serious withdrawals finally kicking in...I pressed on.

I realized that I would need to get home soon to avoid lashing out or offending anyone when I walked passed some sweet girls selling cookies and had the desire to kick the giant smiling cookie who accompanied them.
Now, you may be sensing some repressed anger and find offense to my foul choice in language, and good for you on your accurate discernment; but, fear not. I have heard from the thousands of other people who have attempted this fast that this rage should go away by next week ... It wasn't until I got home and my darling cousin ordered pizza for the big crew inhabiting the 4ACE Compound for the weekend that I realized, maybe I should ask God to help me through this. I sat down opened up the word and starting feasting on it and a smoothie...It settled me; Thanks Jesus.
11-12It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone. (Ephesians 1.11-12) ~Rest in His Peace

Train your eye to discern that which is of true worth, and let it not escape you.-C.A.M.B




Day 9 (written from a day 10 perspective)

Today was the start of my monthly nervous breakdown...with that said, I was an angry little bird with nothing nice to sing about. I tried to put myself to sleep to spare the world from my indignant indifference but as I lay my head upon my pillow, 4 beasts crawled into my bed and gathered round fighting to lay next to me...I flipped-out for a minute and then regained composure sending the beasts to their own beds. We all passed out at 8pm. I did not read any scripture, but before I went to bed I prayed, God, I want to hear from you like I did when I first gave myself to you. Speak to me. 30 minutes later, I was out cold.  My dreams were vivid entertainment for the evening; at one point there were roots growing out of my toes and I was explaining to Lo B (sister from the same mister, Abba) that every time I hang out with her, these roots start growing even more. I was very frustrated. In the dream, I reached down and ripped the roots out. 

Lo B was fashionably dressed in a Muslim Abaya and Hijab Cap doing some sort of Indian dance with my other coworkers on a football field. I insisted that she and my co-workers stop with their Indian dance shananigans so I could teach them how to fly; then I went on to swim through the air using my arms as wings much like a dog paddles through water...I got up pretty high before floating back down, gracefully of course. My co-workers were unable to catch on, so I flew away.
 Suddenly my dream switched up and my co-teacher, friend Miss Kelly was in a room with two cats, asking me if I wanted the soft cat or the happy cat. I opted for the happy cat since it had such a big smile on its face that made me laugh....
very weird stuff my friends...things are starting to get psychedelic .


Day 10

Today started off depressing. I really wanted some coffee and chocolate. My students brought me all kinds of treats that I had to give away (except for the chocolate wine of course, I'll save that for later...).
Mid-day, I started questioning why I was even on this dang fast...I was exhausted, in dire need of caffeine, and all I could smell everywhere I went was chocolate. I began to dig a hole in the sand to China with some of the pre-schoolers. I figured they understood how I felt...the cravings for chocolate anyway.
 Suddenly, an angel appeared and reminded me that I was doing a good thing; purging my body of toxins, that my body had been addicted to these things for so long and of course it would be uncomfortable for a short period. She promised I would feel better in no time once my body got used to these foreign things called vegetables that it had rarely been exposed to; once it began producing natural energy. She suggested that I look up articles written by people who had fasted for encouragement. I did just that. In the process, I found the best article that distinguished between the spirit, the soul, and the body. How the body is the temple in which the blood, veins, organs, and the goods are stored. The soul, often referred to as "the flesh" is where our emotions, intellect, personality and will reside; our "thinking". Then there is the spirit part of us. According to scripture (God aka the one who created us, so he knows what's up) the spirit is the part that was dead (because of Adam's sin), but is alive now in Christ. It's our spirit that was born again when we accepted Christ as our Lord...while we have the Spirit of God living inside us through Christ (those who have accepted Jesus as Lord), we are still impacted by our Soul aka "the flesh". This is when you see the man driving the truck with all the Christian stickers with road rage, or the gossiping Christian lady next door who seems unhappy. There's even the Christian who always seems drunk or in a bind.  Being new creations in Christ, the Bible challenges "Christians" to change and take on a new nature (transform our thinking and let it pour out into our actions and living in love), abiding in the Spirit. Don't mistake this with striving, it's merely falling in love with God because of His love for us and letting it change your choices and life. To make a long article short, the author goes on to explain that while many Christians have the Spirit of Christ inside of them, they've accepted Christ, they have not yet learned to walk in the Spirit; they have not entered into the transformation necessary to have the amazing life God created us for- we have the choice to make the changes necessary; choices that God promised will have glorious and positive outcomes (well how do we know what God says?---->read the Bible)  So, do we continue to make excuses, succumb to the flesh, blame others for our circumstances??? Or, do we step out of the old and into the new; beginning a life with love, growth, and abundant living?
That day, I chose the latter...Fast, you aren't too hard. Goodbye self-pity, and onward we go. Onto day 11. (the aforementioned article can be found here: http://www.daniel-fast.com/spirt-soul-body.pdf)
P.S. a bible-thumping point to ponder: many have argued that the Bible is not legit, but have you ever read the life-giving truth found in it's pages? How does one argue with something that one has never read in it's entirety? Read it...word up.)

Day 11
Holy Cow! (but only in India) I think I've reached a turning point. I did not crave sugar today (or coffee), not once. I even took the handsome men in my life out on a date for Valentine's day and sat, watching while they devoured a Messy Sundae, and I didn't even salivate! I feel good. My appetite is light, my energy is steady. I'm feelin' like a champ. 10 more days left...I can't claim victory quite yet, but at least I made it past Valentine's Day. 11 battles down and only 10 more to win the war.
I ask—ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory—to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do, grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life he has for his followers, oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him—endless energy, boundless strength! (Ephesians 1.18, The Message)

Day 12
Okay. This is getting easy. I didn't have much of an appetite today and I was in a dang good mood for such a hormonal week. I haven't even had the desire to bite my husband's head off or eat my children.  I am so happy I stuck with it because I was seriously thinking of throwing in the towel. The husband decided to take me out on a hot date for such good behavior. We went to a Mexican restaurant. This is what he had: carne asada nachos;  hot wings, a beer. This is what I had: black beans, rice, salsa, a water. He thought he was torturing me by ordering everything I loved but in fact, I was totally content with my vegan dinner. It was filling and flavorful. However, when we went to see a movie, I almost lost it and gobbled up all of his popcorn. I am allowed popcorn but not the kind of popcorn creation the husband presented....excessive butter...the fake kind of butter too... No dice. I won't lie though, I took a few pieces of unscathed beauties from the side (5 to be exact).
I am guiding you. You need not look to people for direction. You may learn by much fellowship with the saints, but never allow any to take the role that is rightfully Mine--to direct your steps. As it is written, "The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord"--not by the preacher, not by some Christian worker, but by the Lord. Trust me to do it...do not lean upon your own intelligence. Rest in Me...
-C.A.M.B.


Day 13
The week has ended. I had a great day at work. I love my job. Kids are seriously the raddest little creatures. This ginger-face cutie gave me some tulips today.
My love-bug Jeremiah Bull-frog challenged me to a race on the playground, Ninjago Gray let me bury him in the sand up to his knee caps, and Super So gave me random hugs and whispered he loved me. I came home to my beasts who were in a good mood and pouring on the love.The husband cleaned the kitchen and was patient with me when my blood sugar dropped after work and I snapped at him. I apologised after I had a smoothie and realized I was a bit psycho for a minute. I'm looking forward to my long run tomorrow morning. As I'm writing this comes the icing on the cake, my wedding song has just come on through Pandora...you think I'd leave your side baby...you know me better than that (Sade-by your side) I find myself falling in love with him all over again; in the midst of the busyness and organized chaos, he is my peaceful turtle with bear paws to hold me tight. Goodnight.

It wasn't so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn't know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience. We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat...(Ephesians 2. 1-5)
Never Despair, for I am watching over and caring for you. Be not anxious. What seems to you to be at present a difficult situation is all part of my planning, and I am working out the details of circumstances so that I may bless you and reveal Myself to you in a new way...For I will remove the veil that separates Me from you, and you will know Me as your dearest friend and truest Comforter...
-C.A.M.B.

 
Day 14

The last day of week 2…This morning, I headed out for my long run. Today, according to schedule, I should have completed 10-11 miles. I ran 2.5 into the trail and 2.5 back then thought I was going to die. Yes, I have a cold, and yes it was very cold out; but that never stopped me before. With this fast, I have never felt better but the glycogen stores in my muscles are almost depleted resulting in exhaustion just a few miles in.  I went home and my knees were pounding and aching. My calves felt really tight...  I started worrying being that race day is only 3 weeks away. I need to add some more carbs to this fast and quick. I made an Orzo Mediterranean salad that should do the trick. That and some pasta lunches for the next few days and I should be back in the game. In other news, we had a nice family day today: baseball, a visit to the Trumbo’s, shopping, dinner and a movie (again, this time for the kids-Journey 2-good stuff).






At dinner, I didn’t have to combat any cravings for sweets, this time it was a whole new monster nagging at my appetite. One that I haven’t even missed except today: bloody cows and SANGRIA! The steaks were looking mighty fine but I opted for a salad---lame but I will stick it out. As for the Sangrias….we will make up for lost time soon my beloved.
...heed My words; yes, do not walk carelessly, nor lay out your own paths on which to travel. You cannot know what lies in the distance, nor what adversity you may encounter tomorrow...you need Me; and no matter how well developed your faith is or how mature is your growth in grace, never think for a moment that you need My support any less...Move forward with courage and confidence, but always allow Me to walk ahead and choose the right path.
C.A.M.B.


21 Days to Recovery-Week 1

...A continuation of The First Step is Admitting you Have a Problem: Chronicling my 21 days to recovery-Week 1:
Day 1
I went to Sprouts last night and spent under $100 on a weeks worth of food for the husband and myself. I am really excited each time I open my fridge...I've never seen so many colors. A rainbow of healthiness is permeating each time I open the door and I am imagining myself slightly less neurotic and more energized as the days go on. I woke up this morning with my usual headache, as my brain cried out for caffeine, I had to tell it to relax...we would be eating plain oats with blueberries this morning, it would thank me later. I prepped some vegan chili last night and my carnivorous brothers gave it the thumbs up, so the day shouldn't be too bad with good eats all prepared in advance. Serious withdrawals haven't set in yet; my brain thinks I'm just lagging and that I will be in the cafe soon. I had some quiet time to reflect this morning...back into my devotional Come Away My Beloved...it reminded me that I can lay my head upon God's chest and get lost in him; it is there that I will experience life and peace, and the life-sustaining energy I seek. Tonight, I will be in scripture to see what else He has to say to me. This should be interesting, being that I've ignored him for so long.
...though you are sometimes indifferent toward Me,
My love for you is at all times as a flame of fire.
My ardor never cools.
My longing for your love and affection is deep and constant.
-C.A.M.B



Day 2
I am in a drink a glass of wine and listen to some Back to Black kinda mood, but I will have to refrain from feeding that part of this flesh.

 A bit reflective and tripping out on various things and events that have happened in the past few months. The Spirit is stirring but I still feel the wild rebellion that needs to be tamed...A battle between what I know is good and what I need, and what I still crave. It was a good day, a quiet one. My mind is calm. I don't feel as bad as I thought I would, physically. Praying a lot and eating all kinds of good stuff. I feel light and easy like Sunday mornin'. I think I will ride my bike to work tomorrow.-peace...the kind of peace that surpasses understanding.
I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?
The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different -Romans 7.24-25 (The Message)



Day 3
This morning was good. Husband crawled into bed late last night after work and held me super tight. I felt safe and warm inside my turtle-bear's arms...it kept me in a sweet mood until the morning. I woke up pretty early with all kinds of energy. I took my bike to work after all...and lemme jus say, ahhhhhh lawdy- 11.76 miles round trip, and a little drizzle in between, but it was well worth it and beautiful stormy skies kept me cool.
Lo B and I had a bible study before work that put us in check about trying to call the shots and be the project manager for God's plans in our lives.No Dice, says the Lord, I am the boss of the applesauce (paraphrased).
In food news, I'm getting sick of pesto sauce and whole grain noodles so I'm gonna switch it up tomorrow with some sweet potatoes or something...feeling like a champ otherwise. Also, Mommy Dearest hooked me up with a kettle bell (25lb) to get back in some beast mode sessions and build me up for the R n' R Marathon. Stoked! Thanks Momma.
Do not set out to establish your own designs. I have already set in motion My divine will and purpose, I would not have you interfere...Yes, you may do many things, but only that which I direct you to do can have my blessing. Resign all into my hands-your family, your friends, and your own self. Your own imaginings may speak more loudly, but wait upon Me always.
-C.A.M.B

Day 4
My head feels dizzy, my eyelids feel heavy...earlier, I had energy that I wasn't sure what to do with. In the moment, I am irritated and finding people to be unpleasant little things with voices that reach decibels that I am uncomfortable with, even when they whisper. Silence is beautiful and I am really craving a mocha frap. I want to impart physical damage on small annoyances. I will refrain and push on.
No case is too hard for me...Do not judge a man by what he appears to be, but instead see him as what he can be if he gives himself unreservedly to Me. -C.A.M.B

It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap-sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on...
-Galations 5.19-21 (The Message)

Day 5 & 6


These days encompassed so much exhaustion, temptation, and irritation that I found it hard to write. I rode my bike to work again, this time it wasn't so gloomy out....It was hot; however, on the upside, I killed two birds with one stone: cross-training for my run and a pre-tan for the summer. I came home from work and passed out cold on the couch, woke up the next morning still tired...made it to work and had some Valentines fun with my kiddos. Temptation set in hardcore when we made chocolate covered strawberries and decorated cookies.
We also made heart-cut sandwiches that looked reeeeeal good. I could not partake in the gluttonous affair : ( Got home and the husband and I went over to his coworker's house to be greeted with a feast of Mexican food and wine...needless to say, It was a hard two days and I had to fight through wanting to eat everything I encountered.

But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.
-Galations 5. 22-23
25-26Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure that we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives. That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original.


Day 7
Today was an interesting day. I completed a long run at Miramar Lake early this morning...10.01 miles, 9.15 pace (down one minute from two weeks ago). I wasn't really feeling the run and felt like I had no energy so it was a pleasant surprise to see the end stats. I was really fatigued afterward and went home and laid in bed with my Turtle-bear. It was a cozy sweats lazy day, misty morning, so we took advantage. My joints and muscles were done after that run so I downed some water and we watched a documentary on Joe Namath (famous quarterback for the NY Jets...quite a self-confident character).


It's interesting how the proud playboys end up broken-hearted in the end, poor guy. It was nice to see he turned up humble though. It made me reflect on how quickly life passes by and we often don't think about the consequences of our choices...after the documentary, I read on through Galations 6, and interestingly enough, it tied in perfectly with the documentary:
.. 1-3 Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out....4-5Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.7-8Don't be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!—harvests a crop of weeds. All he'll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God's Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life.
-Galations 6.1-8 (The Message)

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

The first step is admitting you have a problem...

I have a confession...I am an addict. I suppose an addict of the noble variety, if there is such a thing. My addiction runs deep; controls my days and affects my moods. It has gotten in the way of relationships and is starting to affect my work life. I visit my dealer 2, sometimes 3 times a day. When I have no money to support my habit or my weekly allowance runs out, I turn to begging my sister or collecting change for the cans in my backyard. Sometimes I even hustle a gift card or two from my well-meaning nieces or nephews...I have sold my soul to the coffee bean and tea leaf, forsaking my King for a mere idol...


It has been said, whatever you spend your time thinking about, spending money in the name of, and planning your days around is your god...well now I feel bad.... Starbucks and coffee houses of the like-my dear, sweet, drug suppliers; the idols I have been worshiping, spending my money on, planning my days around, drinking in your stimulating nectar and inhaling your delicious highly addictive cake-pop balls and other bad-for-me pastries...I will no longer be enslaved to your convenient drive-thrus, or eclectic variety of caffeinated drinks. I refuse to run to you when I need a fix, a quiet moment, or energy to clean my house. I am a new creation in Christ no longer in bondage to the things of this world or the desires of this flesh, shoot... you betta ask somebody.


Ok...so I've said it in the past, I'm quitting. I really can't say that it's forever, but i definitely need to detoxify. I tried to do the moderation thing...it worked for a minute. Then 3 shots of espresso per day slowly turned into 6 and the rest is history. Now, some have said "why stop doing what you enjoy" "a little coffee isn't going to kill you; if you like it, drink it"  "at least it's not crack",  these are all good points, but come from the same people I see lurking in the shadows of the neighborhood cafes, downing their coffees and espressos with kids in tow and stress level elevated. I don't like dependency, and dependent I am, so I am breaking off this love affair. I am kicking this habit.


For the next 21 days, I will be chronicling my experience trying to kick my habit: the road to recovery, spiritual and physical if you will. No longer feeding my flesh the things that it craves, I will take control over this temple and check it in its rebellious ways; I will be fasting, praying, and seeking the Lord during this time...For anyone who has never heard of such a thing or has never considered the crap we feed ourselves on a daily basis that contributes to the many physical, mental, and emotional health problems we experience, I invite you to look into the compelling evidence that suggests the harmful affects of sugar and caffeine and consider detoxing from such substances and seeing how you feel.


 This is no easy feat...believe me, I've tried it before and always find an excuse to eat what I want instead of practicing self-control.
This time, I will be incorporating a spiritual component and will be in continual prayer. (Really putting into practice the verse that reminds me, I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength-Phil. 4.13. I have a feeling I'm gonna need it!) There are many different ways to fast. Some more extreme than others; but I will be using a fast that was originated by a rad character in the bible named Daniel. You can read about him in scripture...you can read about his fast here:   http://daniel-fast.com/about.html


The Last Supper... 


(Cont'd on 21 Days to Recovery)





 
 

 





 
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